Having talked recently to many of our troops in Italy and Germany and then again to thousands of students back here in the states, it has come to my attention that some of you are having trouble holding your long distance relationships (involving Military personnel) in tact. Long distance relationships can be troublesome even when things are going well, thus when you throw in the complexities of those serving our country so courageously, the plot can surely thicken.
Here are some of the possible factors that make long distance Military relationships so difficult:
1]. Depending in which Theatre of Operation a Service Member is deployed (Europe, Asian Pacific, Iraq ("The Sandbox"), Afghanistan, etc.) the TIME DIFFERENCE may be anywhere from 6 to 8 to 10 hours or more. This makes talking on the phone or visually chatting/communicating more difficult and may inhibit a couple from maintaining a more personal connection.
2]. The daily schedule of a Service Member is often ridged and inflexible. Their days are planned out, duties are assigned, challenges are accepted and missions are completed... FIRST.... before anything else is considered, including you.
3]. Depending on a Service Member's individual Specialty, the stress and toll taken on their heart, mind, body and soul can be substantial. Needing to reclaim, replenish and stay sharp is a top priority.
4]. The Military FIRST mentality! Nothing is more important to a Service Member than "The Team" and they take this concept very seriously. It doesn't mean that you mean less to them, but they have Battle Buddies to care for, a mission to complete and safety to be maintained with very real people in a sometimes very dangerous environment.
5]. Service Members may live and work together, or in close proximity 24-7. This closeness can create a surreal living environment and these new "friends and family" serve to help lessen the burden of being away from home. They learn to rely heavily upon one another and become close.
6]. With great stress comes great relief. When they finally get a chance to "cut loose" and get some much needed rest and relaxation, or a chance to burn off some nervous energy, they do. From where I sit, no one parties quite like a Service Member on leave.
7]. They may seek out comfort from those "closer to home," so to speak. This is not out of spite or being a bad person or partner, but out of a sense of survival and a need to feel connected and human. The loss of their hometown connection makes them seek one in their new "home away from home."
8]. A lack of Military understanding from people back home. Until you have walked a mile in their shoes, it is hard to grasp the complexities of what they deal with on a daily basis, no matter how hard you try.
9]. The leadership styles of Commanding Officers may differ tremendously and this may directly affect the quality of their relationships back home. Their leader may be supportive of maintaing a connection back home or conversely encourage them to distance themselves from mental cloudiness and focus on their mission more intensely. Focused soldiers presumably make better decisions.
I have also met countless soldiers with a strong commitment to making their relationships work at all costs. Their internal strength and personal conviction has taught me a great deal. There is NO DOUBT that they will return home and be a loyal and committed husband, wife or partner.
There is a TREMENDOUS website that looks at the complexities of Military relationships and I HIGHLY encourage you to visit and take in as much information as possible. The site is:
http://Hand2HandContact.Org
I don't claim to have all the answers or a special elixir to make problems disappear, but the better you educate yourself, the better chance you give yourself to meet all challenges and accomplish your mission.
I wish you the best.
David Coleman
"The Dating Doctor"