I will not attempt to sugar coat this; long distance relationships are difficult to successfully maintain. There are five characteristics found in healthy relationships, which are Trust, Respect, Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. When we are separated from people we love or care for (for extended periods of time), we begin to physically miss their presence. This doesn't mean that we only miss sex or have diminished feelings for them, rather it can be as simple as missing their warmth, smile, touch, facial expressions or tenderness.
Many couples separated by distance make mistakes, which harm their relationships and each other. Some of the most common are:
A. They force communication to occur every day as if to miss a day would indicate that the relationship is in jeopardy. This makes both parties feel as if they HAVE TO communicate even though they may not have a desire to or have anything new to share with one another. Plus, if one member of the couple misses a call or email at a specific time, the other may jump to the worst of conclusions: They don't care for me; they are with someone else; they were in an accident, etc. In all likelihood, this couldn't be farther from the truth. A lack of trust may develop into jealousy and become extremely harmful to the relationship. Both parties will begin to fight over insignificant issues to the point where they will be unable to identify what topic they are actually fighting about. Eventually, the relationship will begin to cause them stress and most people do their best to alleviate such stress.
B. Alternate your methods of communication. If you rely solely upon the phone, finances will become a major factor and tempers will flare when discussions focus on money versus the importance of the relationship. Write letters, send electronic mail, cards, notes, care packages, or leave brief voice mail messages when the other person is not home - whatever works best. Just letting them know that you are thinking about them even when they are not around is important and appreciated.
C. Alternate who visits whom and when. Avoid unplanned, unannounced visits. People are creatures of habit and get into daily Life Movement Patterns© (the routines by which they live their daily lives). When that pattern is disrupted, many people experience frustration (even if their loved one did the disrupting). Also, if you just "pop" in, be prepared for what you may see, hear or find. Occasionally, meet in the middle instead of causing one of you to travel a greater distance.
D. As much as possible, share the costs of staying in touch. This may mean phone bills, travel costs, postage, etc. If one person constantly pays for everything, either intentionally or inadvertently, it places that person in control of the relationship, as without them, it could not be maintained.
E. Cherish the time you do spend together, but don't plan out every moment. Allow times for spontaneity, intimacy or passion to occur. Many people spend so much time planning their next moment, that they forget to enjoy the one they are currently experiencing.
F. You must resign yourself to the fact that Long Distance Relationships might not work out. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder; proximity makes the heart grow fonder. Either of you may meet someone where you live or work and begin to develop feelings for them. Did you seek for this to occur? No. But It can happen. If you want your relationship to have a chance for success, then follow the strategies I have outlined below.
1. Don't attempt to talk every day. You will create exorbitant phone bills and the financial burden will become an issue.
2. Use email as much as possible, but do not argue via this medium. If you are involved in a disagreement, talk over the phone or in person. Email is permanent. Words dissolve into thin air. Never attack the other person's character.
3. Make plans to see each other when you can, but don't suffocate one another by seeing each other too often. Allow each other individual freedom.
4. Do not surprise each other with unplanned visits. If you do, you'd better be prepared for what you might find out and for them to have a full calendar that will not include you. People are creatures of habit and get into routines and rhythms. Plus, if they have made plans, they may not be able to change them at the last minute, which will place them in a precarious position.
5. Send quick notes, care packages, letters and post cards. Call and leave messages when you know they are not home. Just let them know that you are thinking of them even when they are not around.